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The Difference between OBAMA and SARKOZY
HA! Come on this is FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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>>MY DADDY IS AN EXOTIC DANCER
One day a fourth grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did
for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic,
businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin
was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about
his father, he finally replied,
'Okay...my father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and
stay with him all night for money. '
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask
him, 'Is that really true about your father?'
'No', the boy said, 'He actually works for the Democratic National
Committee and helped get Barack Obama elected President last year, but I
was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class.'
An
archeological team, digging in Washington, D.C., has uncovered 10,000 year old
bones and fossil remains
of what is believed to be the first Politician.
McCain
and Republican Humor
Barack and Democrat Humor
This is the NEW
IRS 1040 Sheet! Unfortunately Funny and True!
The BAIL OUT
THE NEW ONE DOLLAR BILL
JESUS & THE DEMOCRAT
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,
“Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.
He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, honey!
How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light?" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God's boy over there?"
The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability."
Why did the chicken cross the road???
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country
gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really
isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER,
CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
road.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain, ....alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay,
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as
plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008.
This new platform is much more stable and will never
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?